How Much Should You Share from Your Life?
Nov 21, 2021
Entrepreneurs often have to build the plane while flying. We risk it. I love to dig into episodes of ‘How I Built This’ to be reminded that I am not the only person who is nuts. And in this crazily fast paced world--it feels like Class 5 Rapids all the time--we often feel pressure to know the answers.
It’s okay to be in the questions. Remember: You are in 3rd grade. Your clients? They’re in first. But how much can and should you share from what’s going on in your life?
The answer lies within.
You’re always a step ahead of your clients. It’s natural law! And your ideal people will connect with you when you share authentically.
You alone define what is not safe to share. In one of my training programs a stand out coach was (and is) a huge extrovert. She lives every aspect of her life out loud. From her Peloton workouts to her gorgeous wardrobe, relationships, successes, and frustrations, EVERYTHING is on display. This method is working for her.
Intriguingly, the main target audience for the program where I met her is introverts. Wounded healers. Those people find this person highly triggering! She’s simply too much. I heard “I would NEVER talk about_______!” in reference to a totally out loud share about sex, a fight with her husband, an internet troll, etc. many times for almost ten years. That woman triggered the hell out of hundreds of coaches. Well, she’s taken her out-loudness all the way to 7 figures, so it is clearly working for her!
She was a unicorn in that community. Wisely, she did not let others’ anxieties interfere with her growth. Her extrovertedness made me uncomfortable at first, then it helped me learn to be authentic. That does not include talking about my life in excruciating play by play detail. It’s just not my jam.
I spoke about this idea last week on Instagram after I saw a dear friend starting to share something that I suspected was a little too close to ‘still in process’ for her. And I was right. For her, the reality check was helpful. “You’re my yoda,” she commented.
A few days later a grieving Gabby Bernstein posted that she lost her second pregnancy 5 months in. I am so sorry for what she and her family are going through. And it invited me to rethink. Was I being dogmatic?
I personally have to share mostly what is already healed. If my heart is still raw, I’m not going to say much about it. I recently moved, which we all know is one of the top stressors. It took me over a month to crack the wall of anxiety one of my daughters had about me when I landed back in Portland. People, It was her idea! But she freaked out once it was in play. What did she think I was going to do, show up at her house at 7 AM with lattes? “Hey did you guys have sex last night?”
Seriously though. I knew the wall would dissolve. Anxiety is a habit for her, and we joke about how she attaches it to everything. Still, it hurt! I mean, here I am in a new city having left dozens of friends and my sweet cousins behind. I was lonely!
Of course she came around and we’re ALL so happy now. Here we are at a recent live (!) show.
I also didn’t share much for years about healing from a truly toxic relationship, but it did come up in client work. And without seeking it, I developed a reputation for being able to support women recovering from toxic ties.
There is a central equation that can guide you consistently no matter what the storm is. True to form, I found it in yoga. There are two wings to the bird: Self Effort + Grace. You must learn to balance these two for yourself. Self Effort and Grace. THAT, my loves, is the true lesson.
What you’re working on is of course where you’re meant to expand and serve. How much you show your belly about your current ‘lesson’ is on you.
Our Black Friday Sale is ON! We’re selling holiday happiness.
I vividly remember when I gave up on doing it all. “Shannon, your kids are so cute! Why don’t you send Christmas cards anymore?” Because I don’t. And I never looked back. If you are a natural giver (one master teacher says ‘blood donor’--ouch!) and highly enmeshed as I was, you can learn the freedom of removing literally everything from your plate in integrity. Then.. Joy-- filling it back up with spacious intention. Learn how to feel peaceful, supported, safe, sensual and abundant during the holidays.
Leading from your own needs (unusually difficult at the holidays!) opens you up to all kinds of alchemy. Serving from a full cup, cleaning up your boundaries in a sweet (actually generous) way, experiencing lots of pleasure. Presale is live now. The price goes UP in 2 days! Get in now.
Personally, I refined this amazing set of practices even further when I learned a NEW MANTRA a few years ago. “I am well supported, centered, and rested.”
