Here we are at the end of a month—are you feeling peaceful, or freaked out? For many years I felt money was a mysterious commodity that was granted to a select few, or managed by people—usually men—who had cracked the secret code of how to have it.

These disempowering beliefs paralyzed me. They created cycles where I allowed others to determine my value, stayed in jobs or relationships out of fears about money, and quickly released money when it ‘appeared’. 

You may see yourself in one or all of these patterns. We—particularly women—have been handed down toxic money beliefs through generations. My toxic patterns were deep despite growing up financially secure. My father was a successful attorney; my family had a second home in Hawaii. My parents paid for my college education. When I started meeting people who did NOT have my hangups I was really mystified, as friends with backgrounds similar to mine were decidedly not paralyzed about money.

After personally suffering yet another horrifying financial crisis, I set out to crack the code. Nothing like experiential learning to really push you to master the curriculum.

I finally began to see the light.

Money beliefs are not consciously taught. They are carried in our DNA. My mom was brilliant; she was a firecracker. But after marrying my dad she did not make any money of her own for over two decades. Her money fears and scarcity habits were what I inherited, not my dad’s mastery of the game.

Dissolving and healing toxic money beliefs is essential work. “Your playing small does not serve the world.” Learning the language and energy of money is empowering and healing.

Here are three practices that have helped me learn to understand and trust money.

1. Soul Money Dates. We call money currency because it is energy. And energy goes where intention flows. Create a date in your calendar each week or month where you will sit down and work on your money. Make it a time where you feel relaxed and calm, and create a ritual around this experience. Make a cup of tea, light a candle. I like to have my money dates on Sunday or Monday mornings. As invoices and regular money needs come in, I open each of them and put them in a folder so they are neatly together and ready for my attention at my money date time.
2. Tracking. Create a document where you track every penny that comes in each month and update it daily. If you aren’t seeing a lot of money coming in, this simple method will help you grow your money, as money likes to be seen. No amount is too small to track. I use tracking sheets for both inflows and outflows. I use an Excel spreadsheet to track inflows; and a handwritten one for outflows. Both sheets also show my weekly and monthly goals. Start this today—get sheets ready for September so you can make September a month of renewal and fresh practice.
3. 10/10/10 rule. This one is a game-changer! I believe this practice originated with Tony Robbins who is known for giving millions of meals away. For all money that comes in, you pull 30% off and divide it thusly. 10% goes into a savings account, 10% is donated or given away, and 10% is spent. Most of the people that follow me are entrepreneurs, so you might be asking, ‘what do I do with the other 70%?’ That is your operating capital—you use it to run your business, pay your taxes, etc. The way I do it is this: on my sacred money dates I look at my tracking sheet to see what money came in and I electronically transfer 10% to a savings account that is in a separate bank—not my regular bank.
4. I have a debit card for that account but I don’t know the PIN. Yes, really. The 10% for spending goes into my personal checking account and I live on it—groceries, other household purchases. The 10% I donate I track on a notepad piece of paper that is clipped to my monthly tracking sheet. I consider all gifts, charitable donations or money I give to my kids part of my 10%. The 10% donations have saved my bacon so many times.

True story—when money stops flowing to me and I feel tight I go and make a donation to start the flow. At times my donations were $20 KIVA microloans. It works EVERY time. Remember, money wants to be seen and to flow.